top of page

Understanding Children's Needs: Part 2 - The Importance of Autonomy and Choice

Welcome to the second instalment of our three-part series on children's fundamental needs. Today, we're diving headfirst into the realm of autonomy and choice – essential elements in fostering independence and confidence in our children. As a positive parenting coach, I'm excited to explore how granting autonomy and offering choices can empower our children to navigate their world with courage and self-assurance. Before we dive in: If you haven't yet read part one, on structure, you may want to start here and come back. 

The Power of Autonomy and Choice

collage of a child making choices

Autonomy is the foundation upon which a child's sense of self is built. It is the freedom to express oneself, make decisions, and take ownership of one's actions. Likewise, offering choices allows children to assert their preferences and exercise decision-making skills, empowering them to shape their experiences. It's our HARD job as parents to keep on stepping back and allowing them autonomy. Here are some places to get started.

Examples of Autonomy and Choice in Action

1. Clothing Selection: Allowing children to choose their outfits fosters a sense of independence and self-expression. Whether it's mismatched socks or a superhero cape, honouring their choices validates their autonomy and boosts their confidence.

2. Mealtime decisions: Involving children in meal planning and preparation gives them a sense of control over their food choices. From selecting ingredients to helping with cooking, children learn about nutrition and develop a healthy relationship with food.

image of child making a plan

3. Homework and Study : Empowering children to decide when and where they do their homework encourages self-discipline and responsibility. Providing autonomy in their study routine allows them to discover what works best for them and promotes a sense of ownership over their learning. What's the best way to do this? Ask a curiosity question - such as "What's your plan for doing your homework this weekend?" (to a teen), or "Are you going to do your homework now or after snack?" (to a primary aged-child). Then, we need to give them the space to do their homework. The less we are involved, the better.

4. Playtime Activities: Offering a variety of activities and letting children choose how they spend their free time encourages creativity and independence. Whether it's building with blocks, exploring nature, or engaging in imaginative play, allowing autonomy in play fosters a sense of agency and self-direction. This is a great place to start with younger children.


As a positive parenting coach AND a mum, I believe it's essential for us to recognise the significance of autonomy and choice in nurturing our children's development. AND I recognise how hard it is for us as parents to let go and watch as our children do new things. It would be much quicker/safer/neater/insert your own adjective!) if we could do it for them! However, by granting autonomy and offering choices, we empower our children to become confident, independent individuals who are capable of making decisions and navigating life's challenges. Want to chat about what it is you're finding hard to give your child autonomy on, and come up with a plan? Get in touch!

Otherwise, join me next time as we explore the final pillar of children's needs – connection – and delve into the profound impact of nurturing meaningful relationships in our children's lives.

Until next time, happy parenting!


Positive Parenting Coach

31 views0 comments


Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet

Add a rating
bottom of page