As parents, we all have moments where we feel overwhelmed and frustrated with our children's behaviour. It can be challenging to remain calm and composed when our kids are pushing our buttons, and yelling can often feel like the only way to get their attention. I know, I do it myself. AS you know, I'm a positive parenting coach.
However, I'm not a perfect parent, and I sometimes get things wrong, and then need to fix it.
We do know that yelling can erode the trust and connection we have with our kids, and we are all trying to do better. If you're looking for ways to stop yelling at your kids, here are some positive parenting strategies to consider:
Preventative tips for stopping the yelling:
Identify your triggers: First step to stopping the yelling is to dig deep and look to what triggers your anger or frustration. For example, do you find yourself yelling when your kids don't listen the first time you ask them to do something? Or when you're feeling overwhelmed with household responsibilities, or have a stressful work meeting coming up? Are you more likely to get annoyed in the morning rush, or in the evenings when you just have nothing left to give. Once you know your triggers, you can work on finding alternative ways to cope with those feelings. So try keeping a diary to see what patterns you notice.
Practice self-care: As a parent, it's easy to put everyone else's needs before your own. However, taking care of yourself is crucial for your mental and emotional well-being. AND it's an opportunity to role-model to your children that each individual is important. Make time for activities that bring you joy, whether it's reading, exercising, or spending time with friends. When you feel calm and have taken care of you, you'll be better equipped to handle challenging situations with your children. Self-care for parents is not selfish.
Notice what is going well: Instead of focusing on what your kids are doing wrong, try to catch them doing something right. When you see your child behaving well, point it out to them. "I notice you are putting your shoes on all by yourself", or "Thank you for unloading the dishwasher. Encouragement can help build your child's self-esteem and confidence. It also helps turn our mindset around, the more we comment out loud on the things we want our kids to do, the more we notice the good things they do - it's a positive circle.
Create your own wheel of choice, for things to do when you're feeling mad.
So, these are all preventative things - but what can we do in the moment?
When your kid is driving you crazy, how do you stop the yelling?
Breathe! In for 3, hold for 4, out for 5, and then repeat, twice.
Take your own time-out: If you're feeling overwhelmed or on the verge of yelling, it's okay to take a break. Step away from the situation and take some deep breaths or go for a walk, if you can. Taking your own time-out can help you cool down and approach the situation with a clearer head. PS: No, I don't advocate time-outs for kids - here's a link to what to do instead. (look at tip 9)
Use humour: Sometimes, the best way to diffuse a tense situation is to inject some humour, especially with younger kids. Try to find the funny side of things, and use humour to defuse tension and lighten the mood. Laughing together can help you bond with your children and build a positive relationship.
Use "I" statements: When you're feeling frustrated or angry, it's easy to use "you" statements that can sound accusatory or blaming. Instead, try to use "I" statements to express how you're feeling. For example, instead of saying, "You never listen to me," try saying, "I feel frustrated when you don't listen to me."
Use your wheel of choice!
Practice active listening: When your child is talking to you, make an effort to really listen to what they're saying. Try to understand their perspective and validate their feelings. When your child feels heard and understood, they're more likely to cooperate and less likely to engage in behaviour that triggers your frustration.
Stopping yelling at your kids is not easy, it's a process that requires patience, self-reflection, and a willingness to try new strategies. By using positive parenting techniques like identifying your triggers, practicing self-care, using positive reinforcement, using humour, using "I" statements, taking your own time-out, and practicing active listening, you can build a stronger, more positive relationship with your children, and create a home environment that is calm, loving, and supportive.
If this is something you'd like to work on, then let's chat about how I support parents as a positive parenting coach.
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